Character Profile

Deidre Vasquez

Deidre was a stow away on the JP, hiding in the stalls in the bottom of the ship. She was a voodoo witch with whom Audra came to and ask her to be her lifecoach. Many secrets will arise about Deidre. And she will cause some great problems for the ship.

Character Profile

Maximo

Maximo was a jackalope living on the island of Tora Bora Bora. He met Hackin Eve and saved her and her crew mates. He was then asked to join the crew and travel the seas on the JP.

Character Profile

Yellow Condi Hackins

Yellow Condi is a horribly evil pirate. She is 2nd mate on the JP. Has a thing for fish, and doesnt let anyone get in her way. She only has respect and looks up to two people, Lurg and Skully. Everyone else is expendible to her.

Chapter 6

It was a cool Sunday morning when the screams of Ursula Birdwind broke the quiet air. Everyone came running out. Ursula Birdwind had found Audra Bellamy’s lifeless body laying on the deck, when she went to make breakfast for the mates. The crew gathered around and Bella Dizzy pronounced her dead. It was quite clear to everyone that Audra Bellamy had killed herself with the knife, which was still in her hand and stabbing into her stomach.

The entire crew had no idea as to why Audra would kill herself. She always seemed so happy to be on the ship and got along great with everyone. No one had any idea why she would have killed herself…. Except for Condi. And Lurg—Lurg was guilt ridden he thought his rejection of Audra made her go kill herself.

You see… over the past few months on the Judith Prosperous Audra and Lurg had a torrid relationship. Many days it was Audra lusting over Lurg and Lurg rejecting her, but sometimes they were very friendly with each other, and one special night, was a night full of passion.

The Story Of Lurg The Fist And Audra Bellamy

Way back before anyone was on the Judith Prosperous, and before Skully One-Eye came to the Pirate Port where he recruited his crew Audra Bellamy was already interested in Lurg.

Audra Bellamy was a runaway who left her family and came to the port to seek a new life style. Audra was fascinated by the pirate lifestyle. Audra first saw Lurg in an alleyway while he was giving the beat down to two pirates who owed Lurg some money. She was in love with him from the moment she saw him. She followed him around from that point on. For months she followed him wherever he went. Then when Skully One-Eye came to the port, she was there when Lurg slapped Skully at the cockfights, and she heard them talking about commandeering a ship and gathering a crew. Audra went to the sign ups to be on Skully One-Eye and Lurg’s ship. Skully was making advancements on her, but Lurg seemed uninterested. Audra was so excited to find out that she had been picked to be part of Skully’s crew. She had to sleep with Skully One-Eye to get on the ship, but it was all worth it in order to get to be on the ship with Lurg.

At first on the JP things were casual between Lurg and Audra. But over a few weeks Lurg began to feel as if someone was always watching him. Unbenounced to Audra but she too was also being watched. After a month or two Audra’s crush became quite clear to Lurg. Audra had met a voodoo witch who became Audra’s life coach, and without anyone knowing Audra had snuck her on the ship. Her life coach’s’ name was Deidre Vasquez. Deidre Vasquez was hiding out in the bottom of the ship where the dungeons and animal stalls where. Only one other person knew of Deidre Vasquez’s presence on the ship, and this person also became quite involved with Deidre Vasquez. At the insistence of Deidre Vasquez, Audra expressed her love to Lurg… she expressed it in an intrepted mime dance. Audra dressed as a mime and said nothing. But her hand movements told a story. Lurg was appalled by Audra’s intrepid dance.

For months following that exchange Audra showered Lurg with gifts and other thoughts of kindness. Lurg was growing wary of Audra. He had pirate matters to focus on and could not let a woman get in the way of his evilness. The big change that occurred in Lurg’s and Audra’s relationship was when they thought that Skully One-Eye had been killed and they turned to each other the night that Skully was poisoned by Daris Bluebeard. Audra and Lurg gave into their temptations for each other (its true Lurg did begin after many months to have feeling for Audra) they were in fear that life was too short. That night they had an amazing night if hot passion—the passion was abruptly disturbed by Bella Dizzy unannoncingly entering the room at the wee hours of the morning to tell Lurg that Skully was in fact alive. Seconds before Bella Dizzy busted in, Lurg heard the door beginning to open and threw Audra who was in his arms up into the rafters in his cabin. Bella Dizzy knew nothing about the love making and just thought that Lurg was very happy to see her as he stood there standing naked. And all the while watching everything from outsides Lurg’s window was Condi. But Condi too had a secret affair going on too. But Condi now realized that things were getting bad, and Lurg was beginning to soften with the love of Audra, Condi must stop this before its too late.

And that was the Story of the potential great love of Lurg and Audra.

Dusk came as the crew prepared to say goodbye to Audra. Finale The Periwinkle was playing the bagpipes. The crew lowered Audra Bellamy's body into the water. They all stared as the body sunk below the surface. It was at this point that one little teardrop fell from the eye of Lurg, the first time he showed an emotion other than evilness. As the body sank out of view, Lurg turned from the railing—it was time to get back to his pirate business.


Meanwhile under the sea a group of mermaids greeted Audra’s body.

The next weeks issue of Pirates’ Weekly ran Audra’s obituary on its front page.

And the Spanish Armada left Spain—and set out to find the Judith Prosperous.

Character Profile

Audra Bellamy


Audra Bellamy was the ships entertainment. She was tragically killed by Condi.
Audra Bellamy will still play a huge part in the future for the pirates of the JP, as Audra's pre-pirate life comes into play.

Chapter 5

In slow-motion-Asian-fighting-movie-style Hackin’ Eve Bones jumped in the air flipping and flying and attacked the men. She slit the throat of Dos Ackers, beheaded Siete Ackers, and stabbed Cuatro Ackers in the chest. She landed on her feet between the 2 remaining Deadly Seven Tres Ackers and Seis Ackers. Eve Bones and the two men battled with swords. It was a tough battle for Hackin’ Eve but she held her own. Moments later Seis Ackers knocked the sword from her hand and sent her flying to the ground.

There laid Hackin’ Eve Bones sword less against in front of the two men. None of her fellow crewmates managed to untie themselves from the tree, partly because they were so in awe of Hackin’ Eve’s fighting that they forgot too. The two men surrounded Hackin’ Eve. They were going to kill her when a pack of about 15 jackalopes jumped out from the field and attacked the men. It was Maximo the jackalope Hackin’ Eve had met earlier and now he has come to save her. The Jackalopes were attacking the men like piranhas. The two men ran off into the woods bleeding and beaten.

Hackin’ Eve Bones thanked Maximo and the rest of the jackalopes, and she untied her crew. Bella Dizzy told the jackalopes of thee journey to find the antidote to save Skully One-Eye. The jackalopes said that they would take the pirates up a short cut to bring them there a lot faster. As they were about to head out an eagle swooped down and grabbed Maximo. As the eagle flew away with Maximo in his claws, Vasca shot an arrow at the eagle killing the eagle. Maximo fell back down to the ground and safely landed on Periwnkle's soft bouncy breasts. The rabbits lead the pirates up the mountain where they got the to the antidote. Day became nite as they got to the base of the mountain so the group set up camp.

They had a fire going and were sitting by the fire drinking run and telling stories. The pirates told the jackalopes about the great pirates such as Lurg, Skully One-Eye and Barron Von Black. And the jackalopes told the pirates about life on the island, the history of the Deadly Seven, and the evil Beowulf that lives here.

As the nite grew on and the fire died down the pirates and rabbits grew tired. Hackin’ Eve and Maximo retired to her tent, Bella Dizzy and Vasca went to Bella’s tent and everyone else passed out next to the fire in a heap of human and jackalope mix.

Morning came and the group packed up camp. The jackalopes lead the pirates back to the beach and to the ocean where the JP was. As they were saying goodbye to their new rabbit friends Hackin Eve was very sad that she had to say goodbye to them, Bella asked Maximo to join them and travel the seas on the JP. Maximo accepted and boarded the ship. The pirates and Maximo waved goodbye to the jackalopes and left the island of Tora Bora Bora.

Bella gave the antidote to Skully One-Eye and he awoke from his coma a few hours later. That nite the crew decided to celebrate the day’s events and docked at the nearest port and went to a bar.

They decided to do a Pirate Talent Show. Each member of the crew would pick something to do and perform it for the rest. The judging panel would include impartial pirates that the crew picked up from a nearby island called (some name). The first judge was a hard ass. He was said to be the meanest pirate critic around and did not hold back. The second judge was female, a drunkard, said to have slept with half the people she encounters, male or female. The third judge was a big man. Although he appears much like a teddy bear, get on his bad side and you will incur his wrath. After spending all afternoon rehearsing the competition began at last. Entering the competition was Scully One-Eye, Lurg the Fist, Audra Bellamy, Bella Dizzy the Bitter, Finale the Periwinkle, and Hackin’ Eve Bones. The pirates drew bones to see who would be the first to perform. Normally one would draw straws but since pirates don’t use straws, and they had so many bones lying around, they figure, why not? Finale, lucky number one. She took the stage with beauty and grace; it’s a wonder we didn’t know how drunk she really was. She cued the maestro and began to sing a song the pirates knew, “It’s getting hott in herre so take off all your clothes…” Before anyone could stop her, Sam was stripping to the beat of the music. Unsure of what they had just seen, and mildly scarred for life, the contest went on.

Next up, Audra Bellamy. The pirates knew this would be entertaining considering Bellamy’s only job on the ship was to entertain. When Audra took the stage everyone sat in awe, especially Lurg. Audra Bellamy was in her birthday suit. She informed the crowd, who had multiplied since her taking the stage, that she would be performing an interpretive dance to one of the greatest female singers of all time. The music got cued up and began to play, “oops! I did it again, I played with your heart…” Audra began flailing herself all over the stage to the music of Britney Spears. Jaws dropped as she swayed this way and that and when the song was over, the crowd gave an unsure applause. Now it was the captain’s time to shine. Scully One-Eye took the stage and informed the group that he was going to recite a poem he had written for the crew. He cleared his throat and began,

“A poam for my wondrfill krew,
Witout u I don’t no what I’d doo.
U sleigh other pirates wit out n e doubt,
So I’m dwn 4 u pirates so long n piece out.”

With the end of the poem Scully One-Eye pounded his chest and gave the group a peace sign. Although the poem had many grammatical and spelling errors, the judges and crowd clapped and cheered loudly as ever for they knew what was in store for them if they didn’t. Next up, Lurg the Fist. Lurg decided it was best to do a magic act. He used Hackin’ Eve Bones as his assistant. Onto the stage they rolled out a box the size of Hackin’ Eve Bones’s body holes for her head and feet. Lurg stated that he would cut Hackin’ Eve Bones in half and put her back together. Hackin’ Eve Bones hopped in the box and Lurg began to saw her body in half. When he had gotten all the way through Hackin’ Eve Bones and the box he split the two sides of the box facing the crowd and blood spilled from the box. Lurg yelled at Hackin’ Eve Bones, “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KICK OUT THE FAKE LEGS AND SCRUNTCH YOURS UP SO I DIDN’T ACTUALLY CUT YOU!” Hackin’ Eve Bones looked at Lurg and said, “Na Uh.” Medics from Bella’s office came to the stage and took Hackin’ Eve Bones down to the medical room to sew her back together. Lurg sulked and went back to his seat where he received comfort from Audra. Last up to perform was Bella the Bitter. She decided that for her performance she would perform a strip tease for the captain. She placed a chair center stage and asked Scully One-Eye to return. He sat in the chair and the music began to play. Bella sang along with the music while she flung herself all over the Captain this way, that and the other, “L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S…” The Captain had a pleased look on his face, the judges, not so much. As Bella ended her dance Scully One-Eye was the only one who began cheering. Everyone else looked at the stage with their heads tilted to the side. It turns out that instead of taking off her own clothes during the strip tease, she had taken off the Captains. Bella smiled and shrugged, “Oops!” Still cheering the Captain jumped off stage and back to his seat. Now it was time to see who had won the competition, even though they all knew the attention-craving captain was the automatic winner. The judges took the stage and quickly announced that the Captain had won again. The competition was over, and everyone went to the dining hall for dinner where Amanda rejoined them, sore, but in one piece.

The crew got back onto the boat very late that nite. They had an amazing time. As everyone retired to his or her cabins, Audra Bellamy was on deck dressed in a white night gown singing a lullaby as she did every night to help the crew fall asleep. The moonlight lit the ocean as Audra Bellamy looked out humming her song. The crews on the JP were fast asleep and Audra Bellamy herself was getting sleepy. As she finished her song she turned to head to her cabin. She turned around to find someone dressed completely in black, with a black hood over his or her head holding a shiny silver knife.

“What do you want?….. Who are you?” Frightenly asked Audra Bellamy. “Your obsessive love crazed acts are destroying the great powers of the ship… and if you stay alive any longer… (Audra Bellamy could make out the face of the person as the moonlight shifted and shined upon their face)… he will not be able to be saved from you.” Audra Bellamy knew the person dressed in black… It was Condi!!!!!! The attacker took the knife and shoved it into Audra Bellamy stomach. Audra Bellamy fell to the ground, blood spill from her stomach and some from her mouth. Condi took Audra Bellamy’s hand and placed it upon the knife. Condi vanished into the darkness…. Audra Bellamy’s body lay under the moonlight on the deck of the ship.

Chapter 4

The Judith Prosperous was traveling full speed under the command of Lurg The Fist. They had a new mission to complete because very late the evening before Bella Dizzy The Bitter had been in her medic cabin doing tests on the drink that Cap’n Daris Bluebeard gave to Skully One-Eye. After nearly 5 hours and many different tests Bella Dizzy came to the conclusion that Skully One-Eye was poisoned by a red poisonberry. “Poisonberry” as Bella Dizzy described it to Lurg “is Eurasian herb naturalized in America having white flowers and poisonous hairy foliage and bearing black berries that are sometimes poisonous but sometimes edible”. The poison kills its victim 6 days after entering the body. Bella Dizzy then realized that Skully One-Eye was not yet dead, but in a very deep coma with a very faint heartbeat. They had 5 and half days to save Skully One-Eye.

Dizzy was one of the only pirates who knew all the worlds’ poisons, their antidotes, and where to find them. So it was very early in the morning that Bella Dizzy gave Lurg very specific directions as to where to travel to find the antidote.

Lurg didn’t like the idea of working with Bella, for he thought it was beneath him to be equal to her, because after all he is the 1st mate. But in order to save Skully he was willing to do anything. Lurg had been dealing with another issue as well, an issue dealing with someone else on the ship; an issue that will rise up later, but for now everyone was focused on saving Skully.

In chartering a course for Tora Bora Bora there was one thing that Bella Dizzy the Bitter had forgotten about: they would have to pass Spanky’s West Island. Who inhabits this island you might ask? Strippers. Not just any strippers, no, these strippers have made pirates and sailors alike fall peril to treacherous waters just to get to the island. As the crew began to pass by the island Bella saw them. On the beach were four poles, and she could hear the music, “I’m in love with a stripperrr…” Along with the music there were four beautiful girls dancing on the poles. It was then that Bella realized she was singing along; and realized that Lurg the Fist was hanging off the side of the ship preparing to jump while Audra Bellamy was fuming from the ears with anger and jealousy. Little did anyone notice but Condi was nearly hanging off the ship as well. Bella was just lucky they were the only two on the deck at the time. Bella knew enough was enough, she had to do something to save her fellow pirates’, she had to move quickly. She looked over at Audra Bellamy and gave her a wink—they had a plan. She ran over to the piano and began to play a song she knew no one on the ship would be able to resist. She played and she sang, “Lurg, what you want, Audra’s got it. What you neeeeed you know she’s got it. All she’s asking, is for you to stay on deck til we go by,” Audra piped in, (just a little bit)“the island, (farther down the way) we go by.” Audra was singing, bumping, and grinding against Lurg. They continued with their song and before they knew it they were passed Spanky’s West Island. Lurg (and Condi) peeled themselves off the railing of the ship and began to inquire about what had happened, for you see when one falls under the trance of the Strippers, they don’t know what has hit them. Bella told him not to worry about it and Lurg agreed but wanted to ask one more question, “Why is Audra singing?” Bella looked over and saw Audra dancing around with a mop singing (why she had a mop in her hand is anyone’s guess—she would certainly not ever be using it to do actual cleaning), “Sock it to me sock it to me sock it to me sock it to me.” Bella shook her head and onward they went to Tora Bora Bora.

By the time they reached the island of Tora Bora Bora where the antidote for Skully could be found, Skully had only 2 days left to live before the poison would kill him. Bella Dizzy had to travel from the port to the highest peak on the island of Tora Bora Bora to reach where the antidote was grown. Each way was a day’s travel itself. If nothing got in the way they should make it in just enough time.

Lurg assigned a small team to travel with Bella across the island. Bella Dizzy would take Finale The Periwinkle, Hackin’ Eve Bones, Audra Bellamy, and Vasca De Gama.

Bella Dizzy and her team headed towards the highest peak. Bella and Vasca Lead the team while Audra Bellamy and Finale The Periwinkle were very slow and fell behind. During the travel up the mountain Bella got to really know Vasca, and oddly she found herself attracted to him. It was unusual for Bella to be attracted to Vasca, for he was not her type; he was older, crazy, poor, nutty, and WHITE.

The group traveled on till they reached a pasture. They were going to take a break and relax in the warm sun. Bella thought that they must have had about 15 more miles to travel till they reached the area that the antidote was grown. During their break in the pasture Hackin’ Eve Bones walked into the woods to go to the bathroom. While she was gone, danger loomed for the rest of the crew in the field.

While Hackin’ Eve Bones was looking for a spot to use as the bathroom, a groups of seven men, know as The Deadly Seven, (former soldiers in the King of England’s Army who had gone bad, and were known to steal, rape, pillage, and kill) became aware of the pirates presence because their lair was under the pasture. The Deadly Seven names were the numbers in Spanish and the last name of Ackers.

Moments later they popped out from their under ground bunker and attacked the pirates. There was not much of a fight… The pirates were caught off guard and easily captured and tied them to a tree in the middle of the pasture. The deadly Seven took the pirates supplies, rum, weapons, food, and gold. First Bella threatened them “We are crew under the Great Skully One-Eye! You do not want to give us grief”. The deadly 7 laughed and were not scared by her threats. She then tried to pribe them “we have large amounts of gold we can give you…. If you free us”. Again the deadly seven rebuffed at her remarks. “We are going to kill you… then attack your ship and kill the crew on there. “We’ve heard that Skully One Eye is dead…. How could they know thought Bella. The captured crew that they had only one hope… Hackin’ Eve Bones, but they know that she had never fought anyone before, and was against killing people…. So they thought they would never have a chance of her saving them.

The deadly seven were sharpening their weapons and were getting ready to slaughter the 4 pirates. Four of the deadly 7 held sharpened knifes up to the throats of the four pirates. Just then 3 arrows came flying from out in the field. Two of the arrows were direct hits into the foreheads of Uno Ackers, and Cinco Ackers, and the other arrow struck Vasca in the arm. The five living deadly seven were looking around in the pasture for the person who shot the arrows. There crouching in the high grass like a lioness on a hunt was Hackin’ Eve Bones. She had heard the Deadly Seven attacking her fellow crew while she was petting a rabbit named Maximo by the river. Now the fate of the entire crew rested in her hands—she knew it and the pirates knew it, and now it was time for her to step up and overcome her fears against killing people and save her mates. The 5 remaining enemies walked away from the tree that the crew was tied too and moved towards Hackin’ Eve. The deadly seven came within feet of Hackin’ Eve…


To Be Continued………

Chapter 3

As Captain Hooks crew prepared to battle Skully One-Eye’s crew by hand once they have boarded the ship, Audra Bellamy was quietly sneaking about in the captains cabin. As Audra Bellamy was searching about the cabin looking for the treasure map she stumbled upon the most horrifying thing ever witnessed by poor Audra Bellamy.

Back on the Judith Prosperous the crews were getting ready to board hooks ship. They were excited about the upcoming fight. As Lurg the Fist and Yellow Condi Hackins’ were busy discussing there offensive attack Skully One-Eye was busy with a cocktail in one hand and a fishing rod in the other. “The fishing in these here waters are great I’ve heard,” said Skully One-Eye to Condi and Lurg. “Captain your not trying to catch fish…. Are you? Why is there a ham sandwich hanging on the end of your hook?” “Well Condi the truth is…. I’m trying to attract a mermaid, I read in Pirates Weekly that they love ham sandwiches”.

Back on hooks ship Audra Bellamy had just finished throwing up. The sight in front of her had just made her sick. What she stumbled upon was Captain Hook in the midst of putting on his fighting uniform; only he was wearing just a girdle and corset. Hook didn’t notice Audra Bellamy standing there. She snuck and hid under a desk. While Hook was busy dressing himself, Audra Bellamy was searching his desk for the map. Hook was talking to himself in the mirror. “You are so good-looking, the most handsomest pirate in all the seas. Skully One-Eye may have boyish good looks, but I am older, maturer, sexier and have this amazing black mustache”. At that moment boards from the Judith Prosperous could be heard slamming against Hooks ship, the JP’s crew were about to board and attack, the whole crew except for Hackin’ Eve Bones, for Hackin’ Eve Bones would stay and man the ship, because she doesn’t kill people. Hook exited the cabin, and Audra Bellamy with the map in hand also followed.

Audra Bellamy had to get on deck and meet up with the rest of the crew. As she was walking down the hallway she was attacked by Greys Blome, Greys Blome was Hooks 1st mate. Greys was protecting his captain and his captains treasure and now he must kill Audra for stealing the map. Emily and Greys had an intense battle below the deck while the two rivaling pirate clans went at it above deck. Audra and Greys exchanged hard blows with Audra using her quick ninja skills to out pace the much slower Greys. Audra was jumping and climbing and flipping about like a monkey. But both were equally as good in using the sword. Audra delivered a stabbing slice across Greys chest. He screamed out in agonizing pain; he reached out and ripped out a huge chunk of Audras hair. Greys fell back—slumping against the wall. Audra ran by him and up the stairs. “Ill get ye, ye tart little thing, ill get ye” screamed Greys as Audra ran to rejoin the crew.

As Audra got to the top of the stairs she was suddenly showered with a massive amount of blood. The blood was from the pirates that Finale The Periwinkle and Ursula Birdwind were aggressively fighting. Meanwhile Skully One-Eye was busy sword fighting Hook. Lurg and Condi were battling three of the largest, most creepy, monstrous, ugly, smelliest men that anyone has ever seen. “UGH, argh one of those guys looks just like this guy I awoke to in my bed last year” proclaimed Dizzy. Everyone shared a laugh, then the battle raged on! Lurg and Condi slaughtered those three mammoth men.

After nearly an hour hook and about a half a dozen remaining crew abandoned ship and treated to the jungle. Skully One-Eye and his crew chased them, following them through the thick tropical jungle. Finally they got to a clearing in the jungle where Hook and his 6 crew had stopped. Skully One-Eye and crew also stopped. Thinking that this is the end of, Skully One-Eye was about to take them captive, when the crew realized that surrounding them was nearly 100 Jungle men with bows and arrows. Hook had trapped them. The skies darkened and looked like it may soon rain. There was the crew trapped and greatly out numbered. The ground started to shake and a giant stone, temple like throne was pulled into the clearing by the jungle men. The king sat on the throne. A fat Buddha looking men dressed in gold and paint. The king began to speak in an unknown jungle language. “What is this mumble, jumble, jungle speak you say?” Asked Skully One-Eye. Hook interpreted… “We are glad ye come here Skully One-Eye, some old friends’ of yours have been expecting you”. Behind the jungle Kings throne walked Cap’n Daris Bluebeard and Ms. Maeghan Belle. The sight of these two stuck into Skully One-Eye heart like a knife.

You see… Skully One-Eye and Cap’n Daris Bluebeard were great old mates years back, the best mates until Cap’n Daris Bluebeard stole Skully One-Eye bride (Ms. Maeghan Belle) on his wedding day. Skully One-Eye has not seen either of the two since his almost wedding day four years back. Cap’n Daris Bluebeard stood starring at Skully with a smirking with the expression that he was the shit on his face. Ms. Maeghan looked as though someone had sucked the face out of her, she was pale, but still had a tiny glimmer in her eye, and Skully saw it. “When I look into your eyes, I can see a love refrained”. Said Skully to her; she said nothing just looked away. Skully looked back at Cap’n Daris Bluebeard still smirking. “Hey mate, I heard that your wedding did go off to well… did you actually think that I was going to let such a beautiful woman marry your pathetic arse?” said Cap’n Daris Bluebeard. Anger arose inside Skully One-Eye. “You want to antagonize me? Antagonize me motherfucker. Get in the ring motherfucker. And I'll kick your bitchy little ass. Punk. Yelling Skully One-Eye”. Skully One-Eye’s crew began chanting Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. The jungle men and Hooks crew also joined in, all you could hear was the thunderous roars of everyone chanting. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. Get in the ring. “Settle down everyone”, began Daris, “I am not here to fight you Skully. I am here to make amends, we should be friends, and life is too short to hate each other… I offer you a toast to Captain Skully One-Eye and your mighty crew who’s gotten the best of Hook!” Daris handed Skully a drink and they toasted and drank. Skully thought that once we has gotten his crew out of this situation and no longer in danger of the jungle men, that he would go after Daris and destroy him. So Skully drank.

Once Skully One-Eye finished drinking Daris began again “ye see…. It was I, who told those terrible things to Pirate Weekly in Hooks name, and it was I who made lies to cause this fight between you and Hook, and it was I who stole your bride…. And now it was I who killed the great Skully One-Eye!!!” Just as he finished speaking Skully could clearly feel the poison entering his veins. He lost color in his face, began sweating. Hook shot Daris a look of betrayal, for Daris used him. “You were never and could never win a match in a sword fight against Skully One-Eye so you poisoned him you coward!!!” Screamed Hook to Daris.

Skully One-Eye began to collapse---- he felt faint. As he was falling to the ground he managed to say one last thing… “Bamboozle!!” As Skully’s lifeless body hit the ground, thunderstruck in the above and the skies opened and it began to down pour. The jungle men ran into he jungle, Hook and his crew disappeared and Skully’s crew ran back to the ship. Finale the Periwinkle grabbed Skullys lifeless body and threw him over her shoulder and ran with the rest to the ship.

Chapter 2

Captain Skully One-Eye and his merry mates had one goal…. To commandeer a ship. Skully One-Eye had seen the perfect ship as he entered the port a few days before. It was the Judith Prosperous. The Judith Prosperous was a GLORIOUS ship owned by the British Royal Navy. Skully One-Eye and his mates thought of a vicious scheme as to go about getting the ship and making it their own.

The came to the docks in the middle of the night. Sweeping into the docks without a sound, dressed in disguise as Indians. There are two soldiers guarding the Judith Prosperous. The In-gins slowly snuck onto the docks without any detection carrying “secret weapons”. Once they reached the middle of the middle of the docks, they pulled out their “secret weapons”. Their “secret weapons” were an assortment of drums, maracas, fire crackers and a Malakoff cocktail. The pirates began to loudly play their music, set off the firecrackers and threw the Molotov cocktail and had a great time in their pow-wow. Their pow-wow immediately got the attention of the guards who ran over and left their posts.

Skully One-Eye, Lurg The Fist, and Yellow Hackins dove into the water and swam towards the Judith Prosperous undetected. And without anyone knowing they climbed aboard the ship. The rest of the pirates played on in the pow-wow. As the guards started to round everyone up Bella Dizzy The Bitter and Finale The Periwinkle went into action. They were scantily clad, and began flaunting their breasts at the soldiers. The soldiers were so preoccupied with the sultry piratess’ that they didn’t notice the other mates sneak by them and head towards the Judith Prosperous until Chester Buyout bumped into one of the guards nearly knocking him into the water. The guards awoke out of their horny trance and were about to arrest the lovely when out of no where and exactly at the same time Finale The Periwinkle stuck a knife into the gut of one of the soldiers while Bella Dizzy The Bitter whipped out a sword and chopped the other soldiers head off. They then ran towards the JP to meet up with the rest of the crew. And as they ran Bella Dizzy The Bitter grabbed the head of the soldier she just brutally murdered….. She wanted it as a soveigner.

Meanwhile back on board the JP, Skully One-Eye, Lurg The Fist, and Yellow Condi Hackins had surprised the sleeping unarmed shipmates. Fighting them—throwing some over board and corralling the rest into the dungeons below. They had the ships captain a royal in the navy and other high officers. Lurg The Fist, and Yellow Condi Hackins were two of the most vicious and sinister pirates in all the seas. The menacing glaring look and loud commanding yells, plus their swords had rattled the royal navy, trying to comply with the pirate’s orders. The royal navy was so frightened of what Lurg The Fist, and Yellow Condi Hackins may due to them, that they all ran into the prison cell without any hesitation. Once they were all in there they were locked up. It was then as they were about to leave the prison that they noticed that in with the navy men was Skully One Eye. For he too became scared of his two top pirates that he also startled ran with the navy men into the cell. Yellow Condi Hackins pulled him out and the three of them went upstairs to meet the rest on the deck.

The kills for the nite-- Lurg The Fist had 5, Yellow Condi Hackins had 4, and Skully One Eye, Bella Dizzy The Bitter and Finale The Periwinkle each had one kill. With the 12-killed British army, 6 captive, and 15 injured or thrown over board, the crew of the JP were slowly climbing their way to the British Most Wanted Pirate List. A week later Skully One Eye traded the 6 British Soldiers to a small British Brigagde for 6000 pounds.

Weeks had passed on the Judith Proposous Skully One Eye held a tight ship. Mornings began at dawn and everyone had daily chores. Skully One Eye, Lurg The Fist, and Yellow Condi Hackins would hold meeting to discuss the day’s events and to plan out what was in store for the crew that day. Ursula Birdwind would prepare breakfast. Bella Dizzy The Bitter would take the wheel and direct the ships direction while Skully One Eye was in his meetings. Finale The Periwinkle would clean the cannons. Hackin’ Eve Bones would take the animals from the storage pens (there were usually a cow, goat, few pigs, and chickens) walk them on the deck, feed and clean them, and clean their pens. Vasca de Gama, Chester Buoy, and Audra Bellamy would clean the sides of the ship, making her shine, and they would check the sails. By 1:30 it was time for lunch and afternoon cocktails prepared by Bella Dizzy The Bitter.

The pirates were resting up—for they had some big action in store for this evening. For tonite they were going to Neverland Island. They were taking on legendry pirate Captain Hook and his crew. Hook claimed the island and surrounding water as his own. For it was Captain Hook who was talking smack about Skully One Eye and his crew to the press, most importantly to Pirate Weekly. He was quoted as saying that Skully One Eye was a horrible captain and a horrible knock off of Barron Von Black. And Skully One Eye and his crew wanted to show Hook what they were made of. They also wanted his treasure, Skully One Eye wanted something special, and if he was on the island at the time they wanted to kill the pansy Peter Pan.

The Judith Prosperous arrived at the island around 4pm. The ship stayed a few yards away from where Hooks ship was docked. The crew directed by Finale The Periwinkle the cannon smith launched an amazing assault using the cannons. 45 minutes after the first cannon was fired Hooks ship was left heavily damaged. As Hooks crew prepared to fight the JP crew once they boarded…. They didn’t realize that Audra Bellamy had already infatuated the ship. How did she get on the ship, you ask?? Well when the heavy cannon assault was going off Audra Bellamy climbed inside a cannon and was blasted threw the air and onto Hooks ship……….

TO BE CONTINUED………

Chapter 1

Skully One-Eye first needed to recruit a crew. The port he was dropped off at was a pirate port and he should not have any problems finding a good crew. This port had a very infamous street where hookers lined the sidewalks and pirates came and chose to their pickins. So Skully One-Eye thought he would just “check out the days menu”. He saw some one legged, some bald, and some with barely any teeth, but nothing to his liking. Just when he was about to leave the street and grab a bottle of rum, he saw one fine lady sitting on the sidewalk crying. Skully One-Eye asks the girl why is she crying? The girl says its “because my lover left me and my goat ran away!!” “Oh that’s tragic” Skully One-Eye says. “But why are you sitting on the sidewalk on Hookers’ Alley?” The girl replies “I was checking out the menu”. Skully One-Eye forgot that mixed up with the female hookers there were male hookers also, but they all look the same on this nasty street. “Well Lady what is yer name?” Finale The Periwinkle replies the girl. “Well Finale The Periwinkle do I have an offer for ye!” Skully One-Eye explained the situation and she gladly accepted.

It was now time to find his ol’ friend (Lurg The Fist), who would be his first mate. And Skully One-Eye knew exactly where to find him. No doubt he would be at the Ports’ cockfights. Skully One-Eye and Finale went to the cockfights and found LURG THE FIST front and center.

Skully One-Eye went up to his ol’ friend and said Yo Matey! LURG THE FIST got up and punched him square in the jaw. “Ye owe me 200 schilling ye bastard” proclaimed LURG THE FIST. “Yes about that”, Skully One-Eye explained, “ Ill get ye yer money, but first I have an offer to make to ye, I want you to be my first mate on the ship I am planning to commandeer. LURG THE FIST accepted and he, Skully One-Eye, and Finale began an open interview at the locale town hall, which is really a bar.

Oh the many types of characters that came through the interview. There were men, women, children, elderly, good-looking, nasty uglies, and dogs, they all came and interviewed. The first person of potential interest was this woman whom looked very familiar to Skully One-Eye. As they would later find out the woman was the IDENTICAL long lost twin of VEMON KISSER whom was on the Skull Galleon (just as recently as the day before) with Skully One-Eye for many years, but Skully One-Eye could not remember where he knew her from, apparently his years on the Skull Galleon was a drunken blur and he couldn’t remember his ol mateys. “I say, you look oddly familiar to me, how do I know you? Did we sleep together?” Skully One-Eye can be very absent minded sometimes. The issue of VEMON KISSER and PIRATE BELLA THE BITTER identities of being long lost twins will be later revealed months later when Skully One-Eye randomly remembers VEMON KISSER from the Skull Galleon. Anyways needless to say PIRATE BELLA THE BITTER joined the merry group of pirates. By the end of the day all the crew had been assembled.

There was Skully One-Eye the Captain, a dashing, charming, ambitious young pirate, who was greatly skilled with the cannon; and quick with the sword or dagger. Next there was LURG THE FIST the first mate, he’s a highly skilled swordsman, and I great battle planner, and a sinister pirate who takes mercy on no one, Lurg is one of the most vicious pirates on the seas. Next there is YELLOW HACKINS the 2nd mate, She is a stragic battle planner and great at planning advancements upon pillaging villages and attacking other ships. YELLOW HACKINS was brought on board because Skully One-Eye had a thing for her…. But as rumor has it, she has a thing for fish. Then there is URSULA BIRDWIND the ships cook, AUDRA BELLAMY the ships entertainment whom is quick with a gun; AUDRA BELLAMY also had an instant attraction to LURG THE FIST. There’s CHESTER BUOY, and Vasca de Gama who is an older pirate who has been around for a long time, he is somewhat kooky, crazy, and losing it. There’s also Finale the Periwinkle and HACKIN’ EVE BONES who are the cannon smiths, and PIRATE BELLA THE BITTER who is the medic, bartender and swordsman.

Preface

It was a cool Sunday morning when Skully One-Eye awoke in his cabin, buried under a pile of naked drunken-passed out piratess’ and one lucky octopus (don’t ask) left over from the massive orgy he hosted the nite before. It was now here in his cabin with the overbearing smell of sex, rum and the sea that he decided it was time for a change. He needed to go off on his own; discover who he was in the world and finally captain his own ship. Skully One-Eye crawled out of the bed; leaving those who are passed out and naked, and thought about his good-bye speech to the captain and the rest of the crew as he walked out of his cabin, onto the deck of the ship to find everyone else.

Skully One-Eye found Captain Barron Von Bitch (as he jokingly liked to call him, in actuality Skully One-Eye thought very highly of the Captain) and a small group of crew planning the days’ adventure. Skully One-Eye goes up to his mates and begins…. “Yo! Listen up ya’ll, cuz this pirates’ pissed, I’m tired of you sea-farin pessimists….”. Everyone is listening staring at Skully One-Eye in wonderment. “What i'm saying is I have come to the decision to leave this fair ship, and these fair mateys, and this fair Captain, to venture off on my own, to meet new people and to commandeer and captain my own ship and crew”. And all while Skully One-Eye is talking everyone is still staring at him in amazement; finally he asks, “What are ye all staring at?”. Moments passed while no one said anything, and Skully One-Eye thought to himself that everyone was either sad to see him go and will miss him, or that they are all in awe of his courageousness and independence. Then finally the Captain spoke, “Ye forgot to put yer clothes on before ye left yer cabin, ye standing there ass naked!! And ye have octopus suction cup marks all over ye body!!” HAHAHAHA laughed Skully One-Eye blushingly. Just another day in his wild pirate life. Later that afternoon everyone aboard the Skull Galleon had a little going away party for Skully One-Eye, and he was then dropped off at the nearest port.


And Now The Story of Captain Skully One-Eye Begins

Characters

Main Characters
Jim Skully One-Eye
Kyle Lurg The Fist
Kayla Bella Dizzy The Bitter

Supporting Characters
Emily Audra Bellamy
Condi Yellow Condi Hackins
Manda Hackin’ Eve Bones
Sam Finale The Periwinkle

Recurring Characters
Heather Ursula Birdwind
Steve Chester Buoy
Vasca De Gama

Cameos
Captain Hook (CH3)
Greys Blome (CH3)
Cap’n Daris Bluebeard (CH3)
Ms. Maeghan Belle (CH3)
The Deadly Seven (CH5)
The Jackalopes of Tora Bora Bora (CH5)


more characters will be added as the story continues

Foreword

This is the story of Skully One-Eye. He was a crew matey of the Skull Galleon under the command of the Barron Von Black. This is a spin-off of that story, set in the same time and often interacting with the same characters and locations (think CSIs/Law and Orders). The story takes place on the Judith Prosperous.

Pirates Of JP

Or...
The Pirates Of The Judith Prosperous