There laid Hackin’ Eve Bones sword less against in front of the two men. None of her fellow crewmates managed to untie themselves from the tree, partly because they were so in awe of Hackin’ Eve’s fighting that they forgot too. The two men surrounded Hackin’ Eve. They were going to kill her when a pack of about 15 jackalopes jumped out from the field and attacked the men. It was Maximo the jackalope Hackin’ Eve had met earlier and now he has come to save her. The Jackalopes were attacking the men like piranhas. The two men ran off into the woods bleeding and beaten.
Hackin’ Eve Bones thanked Maximo and the rest of the jackalopes, and she untied her crew. Bella Dizzy told the jackalopes of thee journey to find the antidote to save Skully One-Eye. The jackalopes said that they would take the pirates up a short cut to bring them there a lot faster. As they were about to head out an eagle swooped down and grabbed Maximo. As the eagle flew away with Maximo in his claws, Vasca shot an arrow at the eagle killing the eagle. Maximo fell back down to the ground and safely landed on Periwnkle's soft bouncy breasts. The rabbits lead the pirates up the mountain where they got the to the antidote. Day became nite as they got to the base of the mountain so the group set up camp.
They had a fire going and were sitting by the fire drinking run and telling stories. The pirates told the jackalopes about the great pirates such as Lurg, Skully One-Eye and Barron Von Black. And the jackalopes told the pirates about life on the island, the history of the Deadly Seven, and the evil Beowulf that lives here.
As the nite grew on and the fire died down the pirates and rabbits grew tired. Hackin’ Eve and Maximo retired to her tent, Bella Dizzy and Vasca went to Bella’s tent and everyone else passed out next to the fire in a heap of human and jackalope mix.
Morning came and the group packed up camp. The jackalopes lead the pirates back to the beach and to the ocean where the JP was. As they were saying goodbye to their new rabbit friends Hackin Eve was very sad that she had to say goodbye to them, Bella asked Maximo to join them and travel the seas on the JP. Maximo accepted and boarded the ship. The pirates and Maximo waved goodbye to the jackalopes and left the island of Tora Bora Bora.
Bella gave the antidote to Skully One-Eye and he awoke from his coma a few hours later. That nite the crew decided to celebrate the day’s events and docked at the nearest port and went to a bar.
They decided to do a Pirate Talent Show. Each member of the crew would pick something to do and perform it for the rest. The judging panel would include impartial pirates that the crew picked up from a nearby island called (some name). The first judge was a hard ass. He was said to be the meanest pirate critic around and did not hold back. The second judge was female, a drunkard, said to have slept with half the people she encounters, male or female. The third judge was a big man. Although he appears much like a teddy bear, get on his bad side and you will incur his wrath. After spending all afternoon rehearsing the competition began at last. Entering the competition was Scully One-Eye, Lurg the Fist, Audra Bellamy, Bella Dizzy the Bitter, Finale the Periwinkle, and Hackin’ Eve Bones. The pirates drew bones to see who would be the first to perform. Normally one would draw straws but since pirates don’t use straws, and they had so many bones lying around, they figure, why not? Finale, lucky number one. She took the stage with beauty and grace; it’s a wonder we didn’t know how drunk she really was. She cued the maestro and began to sing a song the pirates knew, “It’s getting hott in herre so take off all your clothes…” Before anyone could stop her, Sam was stripping to the beat of the music. Unsure of what they had just seen, and mildly scarred for life, the contest went on.
Next up, Audra Bellamy. The pirates knew this would be entertaining considering Bellamy’s only job on the ship was to entertain. When Audra took the stage everyone sat in awe, especially Lurg. Audra Bellamy was in her birthday suit. She informed the crowd, who had multiplied since her taking the stage, that she would be performing an interpretive dance to one of the greatest female singers of all time. The music got cued up and began to play, “oops! I did it again, I played with your heart…” Audra began flailing herself all over the stage to the music of Britney Spears. Jaws dropped as she swayed this way and that and when the song was over, the crowd gave an unsure applause. Now it was the captain’s time to shine. Scully One-Eye took the stage and informed the group that he was going to recite a poem he had written for the crew. He cleared his throat and began,
“A poam for my wondrfill krew,
Witout u I don’t no what I’d doo.
U sleigh other pirates wit out n e doubt,
So I’m dwn 4 u pirates so long n piece out.”
With the end of the poem Scully One-Eye pounded his chest and gave the group a peace sign. Although the poem had many grammatical and spelling errors, the judges and crowd clapped and cheered loudly as ever for they knew what was in store for them if they didn’t. Next up, Lurg the Fist. Lurg decided it was best to do a magic act. He used Hackin’ Eve Bones as his assistant. Onto the stage they rolled out a box the size of Hackin’ Eve Bones’s body holes for her head and feet. Lurg stated that he would cut Hackin’ Eve Bones in half and put her back together. Hackin’ Eve Bones hopped in the box and Lurg began to saw her body in half. When he had gotten all the way through Hackin’ Eve Bones and the box he split the two sides of the box facing the crowd and blood spilled from the box. Lurg yelled at Hackin’ Eve Bones, “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KICK OUT THE FAKE LEGS AND SCRUNTCH YOURS UP SO I DIDN’T ACTUALLY CUT YOU!” Hackin’ Eve Bones looked at Lurg and said, “Na Uh.” Medics from Bella’s office came to the stage and took Hackin’ Eve Bones down to the medical room to sew her back together. Lurg sulked and went back to his seat where he received comfort from Audra. Last up to perform was Bella the Bitter. She decided that for her performance she would perform a strip tease for the captain. She placed a chair center stage and asked Scully One-Eye to return. He sat in the chair and the music began to play. Bella sang along with the music while she flung herself all over the Captain this way, that and the other, “L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S…” The Captain had a pleased look on his face, the judges, not so much. As Bella ended her dance Scully One-Eye was the only one who began cheering. Everyone else looked at the stage with their heads tilted to the side. It turns out that instead of taking off her own clothes during the strip tease, she had taken off the Captains. Bella smiled and shrugged, “Oops!” Still cheering the Captain jumped off stage and back to his seat. Now it was time to see who had won the competition, even though they all knew the attention-craving captain was the automatic winner. The judges took the stage and quickly announced that the Captain had won again. The competition was over, and everyone went to the dining hall for dinner where Amanda rejoined them, sore, but in one piece.
The crew got back onto the boat very late that nite. They had an amazing time. As everyone retired to his or her cabins, Audra Bellamy was on deck dressed in a white night gown singing a lullaby as she did every night to help the crew fall asleep. The moonlight lit the ocean as Audra Bellamy looked out humming her song. The crews on the JP were fast asleep and Audra Bellamy herself was getting sleepy. As she finished her song she turned to head to her cabin. She turned around to find someone dressed completely in black, with a black hood over his or her head holding a shiny silver knife.
“What do you want?….. Who are you?” Frightenly asked Audra Bellamy. “Your obsessive love crazed acts are destroying the great powers of the ship… and if you stay alive any longer… (Audra Bellamy could make out the face of the person as the moonlight shifted and shined upon their face)… he will not be able to be saved from you.” Audra Bellamy knew the person dressed in black… It was Condi!!!!!! The attacker took the knife and shoved it into Audra Bellamy stomach. Audra Bellamy fell to the ground, blood spill from her stomach and some from her mouth. Condi took Audra Bellamy’s hand and placed it upon the knife. Condi vanished into the darkness…. Audra Bellamy’s body lay under the moonlight on the deck of the ship.
1 comment:
emily wasn't condilicious enough for condi.
you should give me the pword so i can fix the amanda and sam and some name things lol
Post a Comment